"Aunt Margie, Thanks for the birthday week wishes! ;) About your email, let me tell you I completely know where you are coming from. I feel for you and your staff... but I'm oh so excited for you! ... though my answer may not be what you're looking for...
This was my devotional this morning:
Genesis 15:6 (NLT): Abram believed the Lord, and the Lord counted him as righteous because of his faith.
Although Abram had been demonstrating his faith through his actions, it was his belief in the Lord, not his actions, that made Abram right with God. We, too, can have a right relationship with God by trusting him. Our outward actions - church attendance, payer, good deeds - will not by themselves make us right with God. A right relationship is based on faith -- the heartfelt inner confidence that God is who he says he is and does what he says he will do. Right actions will follow naturally as by-products.
As a leader that is always trying to figure out new and more effective ways to do things, I have found that there is no "system" to right something that has been wronged for so many years through nurture (or lack there of). There is no system to right a condition of the heart. God doesn't work that way. Galatians is incredible in getting this point across.
Here's where I understand where you are coming from. So many weeks I find myself yelling over the voices of these kids just to get them to play a game. I find myself getting frustrated and God reminds me of the bigger picture.
You mentioned broken families. Anderson is the 12th highest ranked city in the nation with the highest divorce rate. I think probably close to 65% of our kids are from families with divorced parents. Most of the kids that come to our church don't have parents that go to our church. In fact, we'll find some parents start coming to our church because their kids first felt accepted here. This is so cool!
We have also found that some kids that did grow up going to church became slightly annoyed with the disrespect and whatnot of these new kids. This is a great learning experience for them as well in the area of unconditional love and acceptance.
I lay down the rules. Share some tuff love. If they leave the building, then they left, for good. If they made the conscious decision to come here tonight, then they are in our custody and we are the authority. They have to do what we say, no questions asked. The nights that end up the best is when I then put on a smile, yell really loud and make it a party! Some may not play a game or whatever... that's normal. I pick my battles. You have to find that balance that works for you between being a parent and being a friend. In youth ministry I believe we have to lean toward the side of friendship. They have enough orders barked at them in their life and that'll probably hurt our ministry more than it helps. They have yet to understand our hearts and those who have barked orders have had a bad heart towards them.
Here we go about the condition of the heart. The reason they act the way the act is simply because they have yet to taste the unconditional love and grace of Jesus Christ. In order to be right in God's eyes, we are not required to keep to a list of do's and don'ts. We are saved by faith, not by works. BUT, works is a by-product of faith and keeps it alive (faith without works is dead). So it gets frustrating when we expect these kids to act all "church-like" when they've never experienced the life-changing effects of having Jesus in their lives. The change is from the inside-out. Confronting major downfalls in our lives are results of first allowing Christ to come in and reveal those downfalls to us. What I'm saying is that there aren't any quick fixes to the environments that get created with these beautiful kids. BUT because there are so many struggles these kids are dealing with, when one experiences the life-changing power of Christ coming into their life, it is SO beautiful...and worth it.
Over time they will get it. But it will require lots of patience. You'll get glimpses and that'll provide the inspiration to keep going. I find myself going away wondering if I did anything good for anyone. Then when I see their hearts one-on-one, I'm encouraged that God is always in it. The picture is bigger than me. We are providing a place that these kids don't even know that they are needing in their lives. Some kid may come for a few weeks then you never see them again. Don't worry, you are doing the work of planting the seed. Trust God will use someone to cultivate it down the line.
If these are the kids you are attracting, you are doing something right. I love the scripture when the Pharisees are scoffing at Jesus for hanging out with "those sinners." Jesus says, “Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. I have not come to call those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.” And when those who know they are sinners confront their issues because you have stuck with them long enough for them to see it in you and taste it out of you, they will long for that same result. Christ's love is perpetuating. And it's like cool, refreshing water and when someone's in the desert, that cool, refreshing water is much more satisfying. It's frustrating for us who know our way out of the desert to be stuck in the desert with them. But this is what God did when he entered our sinful world as human and became a partner in the suffering. How patient was Jesus with those who didn't "get it." So we must also enter their sinful world as partners in suffering. But what a privilege that is, to be Jesus to them!
Stick with it long enough and you'll see the by-products of right action. It will be long and painstaking. But it'll be oh so worth it!
Don't know if that is what you were looking for. Hope this helps. You truly are doing something great!
Phil"
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