God's will is bigger than the credit I give it.

From Phil:

Wanna know what God is teaching me this year? His will is an every-day sort of will... What I mean: a little over a year ago, I graduated from college, not having a job but desperately looking... feeling the tug of ministry but ignoring it... wanting to do something with my Music Business degree though ALWAYS knowing in the back compartment of my mind that that’s not what He wanted for me... I was so consumed with trying to find “God’s will” only to find out that I was wanting my own, desiring only to place God in there somewhere when I got there. Anyone else try to do this? It’s selfish, sorry to say... Wait, no I’m not!

Music wasn’t working out, so the next thing that the world told me I SHOULD do is find a way to support my new wife... whatever the means, whatever the job...just get paid... and that’s what her dad wanted, so naturally it was something I had a desire to do, to prove to him and everybody else that I cared for her and was capable of supporting her.

Here was how it happened. I had a phone interview to get a job at a collections agency. I had been playing phone tag with a lady at the agency to get the interview details setup. This was causing a lot of stress, considering I was soon going to graduate and then head back up to MN to marry Kylee. This was going to secure at least some sort of job after we moved here... a job that promised to bring in the dough. Finally, the lady and I got ahold of each other and set up an interview. Her words were, “Now, you got to understand, some people will take your call well, but some will cry and some will yell and curse at you.” This was bothering to me, considering that I don’t enjoy making people’s lives miserable... I was truly struggling with taking this job... Basically, in my mind, I felt like I had more to offer the world than be the bearer of bad news to those unable to pay their bills. Of course, there is a place for that... but I didn’t feel like it was mine. I hung up the phone with the lady at the EXACT same moment something was slipped under my door.

FLASHBACK: During my second-to-last semester of college, I was in an Entrepreneurship class where our final project was to develop a business plan and present it. The plan ends up to be like 28 pages long and incredibly in-depth with counting in finances and things of that sort (that I now don’t remember how to do exactly...) I was in a group with two roommates of mine and another fellow music business major friend... In fact, we were all Music Business majors. My idea (and Kylee’s and my someday dream) was (is) to start a youth center type thingy, that would give teens in Anderson a safe and fun place to hang out around town (since there is not place like that in Anderson at all - this was a strong calling I felt placed on my heart during my senior year). Well that’s what we did, the Youth Center idea.. It was good. We got an A. I went to check my school mailbox later that week sometime. In it: a notecard that reads God will make a way.

...AND... WE’RE BACK: So here was I, one semester later, about to graduate, the end of my college experience, no job, desperate and doing what the world tells me I SHOULD be doing. I lost sight of what I felt God had laid on my heart. I set up my phone interview with the lady at the collections agency and hung up JUST as my Youth Center business plan was slid under my door by (I’m assuming) one of my roommates that was cleaning up his room so he could pack up to move out. I hadn’t seen it for probably 2 or 3 months. I stood still staring at the my heart’s calling in hard copy form on the floor in front of me as a rejuvenated clarity flooded my mind and quick-shoved my ill-motivated aspirations back on track. Called my fiance-soon-to-be-wife at the time next with the words “I don’t want to do this collections agency thing.” Came the words in a sweet tone: “I don’t want you to do it either.”

Thus began the trek to where I am: Married. Honeymooned. Moved to Indiana. Kylee needed a letter of recommendation from our now pastor for Seminary. I was still looking for jobs. After much thought, I decided I wanted to do something fulfilling (uh...duh!). I called and left a message for Youth For Christ of Anderson. I continued to look for three more weeks. We didn’t have internet connection at the time. I went to Anderson University campus to get on one of their computers. I wasn’t thinking and missed my turn. I turned around on a street. I got a call for Youth For Christ of Anderson and they were closing in 30 minutes. I happened to be turning around on their same street. I got goose bumps. I met a great guy. He talked to me about raising support. I sighed. Kylee and I prayed about raising support and just didn’t know. Next day, I ran into Chris, our pastor. He mentioned how he needs to meet with my wife soon to get that letter written. I agreed. Knowing Chris did Youth for Christ in other cities and had to raise support in order to do it for many years, I asked him if he would sit down and talk with me about raising support for Youth For Christ of Anderson. He said “eh... Youth For Christ of Anderson?” I asked, “Not worth it?” He said, “(insert name of guy in charge) is a beautiful man. I just think you’ll get frustrated with all that you want to do... But yeah, let’s talk about raising support. Come with your wife to our meeting.” We met at Starbucks. He said Kylee was “electric” and also said that “everything you guys want to do, you can do with us.” He invited us to prayerfully consider coming on the youth staff at the church.

I present this story that God be lifted up. As you can see, neither Kylee nor I did anything special. God just came through. The important thing that I want you to see is that God didn’t do it at one time or in a quick amount of time. It is important to notice that God’s will is not a goal to strive for, it is a day-to-day process. This confirmed a verse that had been a huge help in my life since I had graduated. I received a graduation card with a verse written down in it. Habakkuk 2:3 says, “But these things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.” (thanks Uncle Ron and Aunt Chris) I believe that a lot of the times when we say that we want to “find out God’s will for my life,” we are basically looking for the career that we are going to let define ourselves. This idea of God’s will is very limiting to God. For goodness sakes, God is bigger than that, therefore his will is bigger than that. Therefore, his will is an EVERY DAY kind of will. To every day live a life glorifying to him. If we do that, he will guide us on a day-to-day basis in his will.

This has been what this last year that Kylee and I have been in “full-time ministry (a career, yes; a definition, no)” has shown me: an every day living out of his will. His will is NOT an end goal, but an ever growing, changing, and evolving process. A process that I will always be in as long as I choose to be. And I now see that I am defined as a child of God who has the ability to daily allow God to work in the circumstances around me and, therefore, guide me along the path of the everlasting.

I still have no idea who wrote the notecard that mysteriously showed up in my mailbox that read God will make a way, but that notecard has never left my wallet. It is a constant reminder of God’s faithfulness and his desire to daily reveal his will to his children who desire for it.